What's Marriage?

"What's marriage like?",
Many people would ask.
For those not yet married,
Marriage may look like a pyramid,
Mysterious and full of fantasies, and
Sometimes inviting people to go on a pilgrimage.
For those married like me,
Marriage is more like a three-legged race,
No matter you are willing or not,
You should be strapped to each otehr and walk at the same pace.
The difference from the real three-legged race is--
The real three-legged race is a sprint,
While marriage is a life-long marathon.
You agree?
No matter yes or no,
You're in as soon as you get 'hitched'.

2010-06-08,09_第65期日本本因坊戰_七番挑戰賽第3局_山下敬吾(W)_VS_羽根直樹(B)_W+R

世代

你有沒有覺得年紀不同，思考和行為模式也大相逕庭？

最近一期的Reader's Digest把人分成了幾個世代：
Builders:1920~1945 (在經濟大蕭條和二次世界大戰時空背景下，這個世代有很強烈的工作倫理、財務保守、尊重權威等特色)
Baby Boomers:1946~1964 (一片景氣繁榮讓這個世代勇於表達對社會議題的想法，並具備自由開放的觀點)
Generation X:1965~1979 (質疑權威、樂於接受新的精神型態，但對未來的財務狀況產生不安全感)
Generation Y: 1980~1994 (輕浮善變，是個講求自我的世代)
Generation Z:1995~2009 (擁有科技相關知識、富創造力、自信、有很強的工作倫理，這些特色是因為這個世代的父母更成熟，同時這個世代也面臨了經濟衰退)
Generation Alpha:2010~2024 (這個世代很有可能歷史上最有教養的一代，更早入學，而且就學的時間更長。在過多資訊的世代中長大，這個世代將可能比前一個世代(Gen Z)更了解科技，也更重視物質生活。)

真的是這樣嗎？大家不妨觀察看看吧。

領悟

人生在一連串的選擇題中綿延
每個答案都是你命運的一根骨頭
態度與想法作為血肉
這樣構築起來的人生
有亮麗 有缺憾
有光明 也有陰暗
不凡中有平凡
平凡中亦見不凡
人生的價值也就成為世上最難以衡量的其中一項

生病是一種幸福

爸中風後，都是媽沒日沒夜的陪在身邊，生病的人不好受，照顧的人也辛苦。媽若有事離開幾天，就由兒子們接棒。但是換個角度想，爸沒生病前菸酒不離身，不管老婆、兒子，甚至孫女的勸說，就是戒不了。現在自然都戒掉了，問他還敢不敢抽菸，他也直說不敢了。生病前，大家各忙各的，四個兒子陸陸續續搬出去，但現在大家一有空就是回家陪爸爸，雖然心裡不希望家人是以這種方式相聚，不過換個角度想，生病的人更懂得健康的重要，週遭的親人更珍惜這份親情，這未嘗不也是一種幸福。

Tradeoff

前一陣子在某個旅遊節目，看到主持人訪問一位New Orleans的街頭小販，那個黑人小販說："I'd rather be poor in New Orleans than rich somewhere else"，這句話從那時候開始，時常在我耳邊響起，一方面是這句看似簡單的話讓我很震驚，有多少人有這樣的勇氣說出這樣的話，看看四周環境，幾乎都是逐水草(錢/工作)而居的現代人，一簞食一瓢飲也不改其樂，在資本社會裡需要多少勇氣和單純！另一方面似乎是個reminder，提醒我金錢不應該主宰生活的一切，至少不要因為它影響原本應該要有的快樂。在錢/工作與快樂/自由之間永遠像是一種拔河、一種tradeoff，我大概永遠做不到"I'd rather poor here than rich somewhere else" 或是"一簞食不改其樂"的高標準，但至少期勉自己不要忘了為一些小事而快樂、為平凡感到滿足、為存在而雀躍、為永遠充滿可能的未來不放棄希望！

東豐鐵道記遊

婚紗照來囉

2008年買屋行程

6/14--鎖定三峽北大特區，花半天看屋，幾個建案比較下，上北大價格跟環境都不錯，先繳一萬元訂金。

6/21--未來的岳父岳母陪同再看一次房子，老經驗的岳父先行到大廳，跟出入的住戶詢問他們的買價，然後我們一行人再正式到招待中心跟代銷公司談價錢。當天再補9萬當訂金。

6/30--與台銀行員在招待中心對保，對保完後與實品屋設計師一同到新屋檢查裝潢何處需要再修改或改善。(當天談完，經過與老婆反覆討論，決定將廚房的頂燈換掉，因為建商標準配備的燈太暗，裝潢其餘部分只做補漆和改善的後續動作)

7/14--因為趕著再農曆七月(國曆八月)前搬近新屋(免得到時一邊繳房貸另一邊要繳租金)，7/14晚上先訂了電視。

7/15--對保後將近兩個星期，產權完成移轉，相關手續(如契稅、產險等)完成後，銀行通知7/15撥款，老婆和我決定到銀行(不去其實也可以，但畢竟是一比大錢)看他們完成撥款。銀行撥款完，再到新屋跟室內設計師看一遍裝潢部分，同時建設公司的工務主任也陪同一起看房子本身的部分。大致上沒什麼問題，只有小地方要補強。跟建設公司敲定7/19交屋。並到一樓大廳，跟秘書登記瓦斯掛表(我們大樓統一每週二掛表，所以按行程來看，7/22掛表)。

7/16--聯絡搬家公司，約好7/20上午搬家。另外，將剩下需要的家電一次購齊，請他們7/20下午送到新家，除7/14買的電視外，再添購冰箱、洗衣機、電鍋、電磁爐，因為所有家電都在同一家買齊，老婆跟店長ㄠ了一台電風扇。跟爸媽約好，我們7/20將所有家俬搬近新家，然後7/21他們北上，幫我們進行入新厝的儀式(過火爐、拜拜、貼紅紙等等)。

7/17--跟老婆到HOLA購足新家所需的基本配備(炒菜鍋、水壺、碗盤、菜刀、床罩組等等)。

7/19--跟建設公司的工務主任辦交屋，因為買的是實品屋(裝潢好的新屋)，水電分算雖然是以交屋日為基準，但是若用建設公司講的以日期比例分算，較不划算，於是跟建設公司講好當場抄表，將數字紀錄在交屋文件核對清單下頭，到時候收到水電帳單，再請建設公司會計將我們多付的錢退還。交屋完畢，老婆和我先進行初步的清潔工作。因為7/19~7/20這個週末很忙，先把Burger送到醫生那裡住宿。

7/20--早上搬家，請搬家公司果然省力不少(搬家費用NT$2,300，我覺得相當划算)，基本上10點左右就已經將所有東西從台北信義區搬到三峽新家裡。10點之後便開始進行拆封、後續打掃工作。下午兩點左右所有的家電送到新家，接著老婆回就家洗熱水澡，順便去帶Burger，我繼續待在新家打掃，網路跟第四台也於下午安裝完畢(事先已跟業者約好時間安裝，一切都照計劃進行，尚稱順利)。

7/21--爸媽一大早就從台中搭統聯到三峽，算算坐車時間不算太長，到新家後開始一連串入厝儀式，我想如果沒有爸媽，我們可能也不會進行什麼入厝，進來就開始住下來了吧。

7/22--因為星期二天然氣掛表，所以事先到櫻花熱水器的官網選了一台熱水器，再打電話到附近的營業據點，跟他們約好星期二送到新家。當天室內設計師到新家，跟老婆收廚房頂燈的費用。

所有買屋、入住的時程，從頭到尾約一個月(6/14~7/22)，總算趕在農曆七月前完成，也可稍微喘一口氣。

Burger睡到翻!!!

甜蜜的負擔

這是即將入住的甜蜜小窩...決定結婚和買屋同時進行，儘管要同時忙兩件事，但是我喜歡一次把所有事情settle down的感覺，縱然過程難免有些天人交戰。

選擇結婚對象很自然，但選擇房子卻很難。首先要把自己的條件和底限列出來--十分有限的預算、環境須單純寬敞、通勤方面可以做比較大的讓步，但必須是新成屋。於是台北市首先出局，因為買不起就不用多花時間思考，台北縣幾個地方比較了一下，最喜歡三峽，於是選定地區後才開始看房子。看房子前在網路上看了這個區域很多新建案的牌價，先有個譜然後再動身去看房子。其實也沒真的看透透，因為已經清楚這區一般的單價，於是看對眼了，價格也在預算內，一切於是乎拍板定案。其實過程中也有很多親朋好友建議買台北市郊的中古屋，但是每個人的原則跟想法總會不同，因此選擇也不同。我還是選定三峽，我知道通勤要花比現在多很多的時間，但在諸多考量下，還是做了這樣的選擇。

在我列的這些條件限制和原則下，有些朋友覺得奇怪，還有林口、五股、泰山、樹林、鶯歌、南崁這麼多地方乍看之下應該符合我的預算和需求，為何挑三峽。的確，抉擇過程很困惑也很掙扎，說實話，要我仔細解釋我也說不出所以然，只能說當人對已知的部分都用理性分析完後，剩下未知的部分一半憑感覺、一半賭。賭什麼？賭未來後悔選錯地方的機率有多大。

有位主管很愛跟我們說"Moment of Truth"的重要，這些硬梆梆的企管理論我總是左耳進右耳出。但是我相信"Moment of Choice"，這個詞是自己亂套用的，但是我想這樣的思辯確實是很多思想家、文學家都探討過的。我記得大一英文期末考其中一題考Robert Frost的"The Road Not Taken"，因為這首詩的文字簡單但饒富哲學意涵，讓我印象深刻。

"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler . . ."

這句話說的白一點，就是"you can't have your cake and eat it too"，兩條路絕對是不同的，但你又無法知道這兩條路分別會引領你到哪裡，但是選了一條路後，發現走錯了，卻很難回頭再重選一次，於是到了第三個Stanza:
"Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way.
I doubted if I should ever come back."

到了這裡，讀者難免把自身經驗和詩連結在一塊，不免俗地期待詩人告訴讀者哪一條路才是對的道路，但是Robert Frost輕輕一躍，意境高超，也讓人彷彿當頭棒喝：
"I Shall be telling with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."

Robert Frost的眼中已無好壞、對錯，只有單純的差異，一切雲淡風輕。

回想沙特(Jean-Paul Sartre)對於"選擇(choice)"的論點，不難發現這首詩的結尾也頗能呼應Sartre的想法。簡言之，Sartre認為I am my choices. What is not possible is not to choose. I can always choose; if I do not choose, that is still a choice. If faced with inevitable circumstances, we still choose how we are in those circumstances.

總之無論如何，人都難避免要做選擇，如果逃避不選，終究還是做了選擇(選擇什麼都不做)。在這種思想前提下，沙特的"存在先於本質"與"自由"等論述也就顯得相當一貫。

不過，Robert Frost和Sartre對"選擇"的態度還是不同，前者帶點"只到天涼好個秋"的超脫，而後者則強調對自己的選擇負責。無論前者或後者，我想都是我輩該師習的良好態度吧！

Burger and me

I would never forget the first sentence with which Louisa May Alcott used to start the world famous novel "Little Women"--"Christmas won't be Christmas without any presents." For us people in the East, Christmas may not arouse some profound feelings as such. Nevertheless, this sentence still can grasp my attention. And I believe many othr people, even though they're not celebrating Christmas, would think alike. Why? It's because "Christmas never has to be the holiday per se." It just metonymically refers to anything that means a lot to an individual; it could be anything.

For me, I would paraphrase Alcott to suit my temperament--"A home won't be a home without a dog." For this reason, my girlfriend and I finally made up our minds to look for a dog for our sweet home. The photo above is a snapshot of Burger and me. Some of you may wonder why I needed to "make up my mind" to have a dog. The explanation to such a question can never be easy for me. This is sort of paradoxical....

I had a dog named Dodo and he had kept me company for many years. Nearly one year after the completion of my master thesis, he left me and my family and would never return. I've lamented his death for quite a long time, and tended to think that I would not get a dog as Dodo is not replaceabe; he is my family, not just a pet. But recently, I come to realize that it's all about karma. Dodo will be living in my memory and never be far away. And now, the karma between Burger and me has arose just now....

豪宅？

前幾天在在網路上亂晃，晃到了一個討論房地產的部落格，主題是在討論豪宅。有一個人說的話很值得玩味，他說現在台北市一堆豪宅，動輒就是用億元來計算，標榜的是生活機能佳，區段好，但是簡單的說也不過是公寓大樓的其中一戶，建坪未必比許多中南部的市井小民的住宅來的大。看看偶像劇裡的豪宅，都是位於市郊的透天別墅，有自己的庭園、driveway、游泳池，而不是把自己關在所謂四、五十坪的高級監獄。以前讀過一些文化研究，這樣的觀察是很有趣的，偶像劇是一種理想投射的產物，顯而易見，人們心裡面真的豪宅未必是信義區、大安區大坪數的公寓大樓、未必是仳鄰百貨商圈、車水馬龍的繁華地段，反而是一種能夠自由自主的悠閒生活。這只是一種共同制約的意識形態吧，在大都市裡工作的人除了工作在大都市，很自然的希望生活在大都市，離工作的地方愈近愈好。當然這沒什麼不對，只是當大多數的人開始都抱持這樣的想法後，自然房地產業便開始操弄集體意識型態，於是乎造就了所謂的信義豪宅、大安豪宅，價格拉高，物以稀為貴，這些地域不會變大，自然供不應求，於是貴還要更貴。唸過Sir Thomas More烏托邦的人應該還記得，"Utopia"在希臘文裡是兩個字的組合"no + place"，但是以homophone(同音異型異義)來看，他音同"good + place"。我們現在很多人把烏托邦視為理想社會的同義辭，就是大多數人多用homophone來看待這作品所要傳達的意思。但是我認為這兩種解讀是並行不悖的，為什麼呢？烏托邦裡的人認為黃金鑽石沒什麼價值，反而是到處都能取得的水才是珍貴的寶物。因為烏托邦的人認為大地之母疼惜萬物，大量供給我們最需要的東西，所以黃金鑽石一類的東西自然最少。"no such place"只是一種allegory，這告訴我們烏托邦是個理想國、是個好所在"good place"，但人類社會是不會有這樣的地方。

1947年二次世界大戰剛結束，百業蕭條，人民購買力大幅降低，鑽石一度乏人問津，De Beers的一句"Diamond is forever"逆轉當時鑽石的不景氣，直到現在De Beer對他們成功的行銷還津津樂道。不禁要想，在到處都亟需基礎建設的時空環境，消費人們的浪漫情懷，行銷一種何不食肉糜的意識形態，難道是人類的一種必要之惡？

Jelly Maze (果凍迷宮)

現在正在台中美術館戶外廣場展出，有機會到台中的朋友，晚上不妨去看看，有小孩的也可以帶小孩去喔，好多小孩在那裡玩的不亦樂乎！

今年看來是結婚的好年

這個星期六就要當伴郎了，生平第一次當伴郎，已經很新鮮了，而且又是台德聯姻，感覺更新鮮！沒想到剛剛hotmail收到許久未見的研究所同學的信，她今年也要結婚了，這對則是台法聯姻，第一場婚禮會在法國古堡舉行，第二場則回台灣辦。

婚姻現在似乎已經不只是兩個家庭共同的大事了，還常牽涉到兩個不同文化的衝擊、妥協和融合，真得是很有趣！

不過，許多朋友都在今年結婚，今年該是個結婚的好年！

My first time ever to be the best man

I feel excited but nervous now because I am gonna be the best man on May 3rd, which is the first time ever in my entire life. As the best man, I guess my role is to do anything I can for the furtherance of the ceremony. More importantly, I will be able to witness a couple I've known for more than 10 years finally walking hand in hand onto the red carpet. Sooner or later, it will be my turn to get married, so I think the experience of this kind can serve as apprenticeship.

Recently, I've been thinking why we need a ceremony for marriage. For me, I'd often think it could change nothing in the newly-weds' life, not to speak of changing what they are. Here in Taiwan we've got a lot of things to do if the newlyweds prepare the ceremony all by the traditions. Even if you decide to simplify it, the preparation is still tiring (it is definitely exciting, though). I come to realize that a ceremony is not just for a couple, but also for the two families supporting the couple. The ceremony is not intended to change anything in the newlyweds' life, but to let the couple learn how to respect each other and each other's families. No matter how long a couple have been seeing each other before getting married, until the ceremony will it be publicly declared to be the start of the union of the newlyweds, for which they should take some responsibility.

For the parents in Taiwan, the ceremony sometimes means a lot more than it means for the newlyweds. It's a token for the completion of a task, which is quite different from some foreign cultures. That's why there is an old saying here--"Those who have not been married are children still."

Irresistibly Endearing ~ My Niece

In my everyday life in the office, I cannot open my Outlook without seeing "For your information," which appears over and over again. To tell the truth, I'm quie fed up with this expression. Business English makes me puke; sometimes it occurs to me that I could use "for your amusement" instead. But, I don't dare to do so. This wacky thought is therefore just a voice-over in my mind, which seems to coax me into turning the upside down as I've been taught in literary theory class. I guess, if I really do that, my boss would think I must be nuts.

I browsed my brother's blog just now and found lots of recent photos of my lovable niece. I picked up one of my favorite, in which she's kinda making faces, and this time I can say appropriately, "For your amusement."

Life Sketch by Now

When we were kids, we talked about play;
When we were teenagers, we dreamed about future;
When we were in our early twenties, we fell for our loved ones;
When we had just graduated from college, we were all concerned about career;
When a few years passed, we complained about our immediate bosses;
When we were pushing to our thirties, we were so stunned that we were speechless;
When we are finally thirty-something, some have tied the knots,
Some are busy tying up the loose ends at work;
Still some are trying very hard to untie strangling cords around their necks.

海芋

踏上暌違已久的陽明山，今天(4/12)的任務是到竹仔湖摘海芋。
"摘"海芋似乎是不怎麼精準的語言，應該說是"拔"海芋，因為是從花莖的根部把海芋拔下來。
踩在濕軟帶滑的泥地上，心想海芋倒也是"出淤泥而不染"的另一例；蓮花出淤泥而不染，海芋也是，更妙的是，海芋的另一個名字就叫馬蹄蓮。
星期六我一貫都睡到中午，從信義區到士林區後，從容的吃了個飯，才往竹仔湖去，到了竹仔湖也差不多快下午四點了。不過時間拿捏的恰到好處，逛得差不多，山上才慢慢起了濃霧。即便如此，霧裡海芋的花苞還是淨白地讓人清楚的看見。
下山時，坐上直達士林捷運站的收班車，很快就又回到滿是人潮和建築物的士林。海芋讓人驚艷，而台北另人驚訝--不一會兒的光景，我竟能見識兩種截然不同的台北面貌。

Smiles

One smile triggers another,
Which makes the one triggered seem so mechanical,
And so much like fireworks,
Ostensibly beautiful and pleasant,
But so short-lived that it leaves an impression
That it is just superficial and relentless.

Shall I call it fake, or
Shall I reckon it to be social?

Shall I take it to be true, or
Shall I suppose it is in my dream?

To be honest, I stumble over its realness.
Maybe what I presume real is, in fact, unreal.
What am I supposed to do to distinguish the unreal from the real?
Perhaps it does not matter at all,
For the unreal is always more real than the real.